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Dont ask, dont tell
Discussion: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
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IronGirl IronGirl |
My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 12 2008, 7:31 PM EST I have a wonderfully sweet girlfriend. She is a good person from the depths of her soul and does things for all the right reasons. Joing the Army reserves was a hard decision for her, I'm sure. But like all of our other service men and women, she has paid a price that comes along with serving one's country. She was recently deployed to Qatar and is giving her all in a foreign place for our country. She is by far a squared away soldier- a proud SGT. I placed a committment ring on her finger before she left for her tour, for I wanted her to know my love for her would stay true and strong while she made this ultimate sacrifice. Unfortunatly, when people ask her who the ring is from, she cannot say. She cannot say she has a girlfriend waiting for her at home, one who aches for her and wants to marry her. Along with the emotional hardships of being away from home and fighting in a war, she deals with silence. There are no support groups for gays who have spouses in the war. I cannot hang my yellow "deployed spouse" banner on my tree in the front yard. I am grateful to be an American, I am grateful for all the she is currently defending for me. But... Dear future President of the United States: Take away my right to marry. Don't allow me in the emergency room should she get into a horrible accident. Discriminate against me in your narrow mind. But atleast let my beautiful girlfriend use her God given American freedom of speech and let her declare her love for me. You owe her that much. 64 out of 65 found this valuable. Do you? |
 areslesb |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 13 2008, 10:15 AM EST I served in the army national guard and I am a lesbian. I was never deployed overseas, but I do know the most important thing is to write and send care packages often. I also know the army has a family readiness program (which Iyou can't participate in) but mabey if you have the means you can start your own group for LGBT partners and their families. Normally these groups have a military contact to give them updates on the deployed units status when possible, but you could just get a support group of LGBT partners together. I think I am getting redundant. I hope you are both doing good. The most important thing is to stay positive. 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
 mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 14 2008, 12:34 AM EST this is a neat thread The Dont ask don't tell policy may be in place but it can not stop the love some one has for another.But it can be very hard on the person who is not in the military especially when the non miitary person want's nothing more than than the relationship to be open ,for both to be out of the closet ,but the militsry person doesn't have that liberty ,which is the one reason I like the role of Tasha.the fact that a person is Gay doesn't mean they wont lay thier life on the line for Ameriaca.it doesn't make one less of a solider or a sailor ,it just means they have a partner of the same sex ..it doesn't have any bearings on the mental state of being ,sometimes thats what it seems like it means ....I will say this to all the military folks out there who are lesibians and who are keepin it quiet to serve this Country my hats off to ya I know its tough at times and If your relationsip can survive it that great I cant say exactly what my stand but i can say this Hang in there and Be Proud and Thank youu for Servive ( Don't Tread On Me) if your military you know what theat mean or you should have at least seen it some where.. 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
 Magilette |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 14 2008, 11:28 AM EST I agree. I managed to conceal my preference from the military for a very long time. I educated my partner on the consequences. Initially, she didn't understand, but we maintained good communication between one another and together our strength helped us get through the madness. Keep your head up ladies and know that you are truly loved not only by family and friends but by God, and those of us who are here in America waiting on you to return safely. 4 out of 4 found this valuable. Do you? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 14 2008, 5:28 PM EST though I conceal my prefrence ,it didnt help my relationship ,my friend wasnt happy that i kept quiet I guess i should have eduated her more because i lost the best thing that ever happened to me...she asked me the other day why did i wait to be more open I said because i have a carreer,and i didnt want to jepordise that and her responce was gesh im sorry i should have thought about that ...but oh well now i dont have a reason to worry..cause I'm single and i think its best to just not see anyone untill I am finished .. 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Magilette |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 14 2008, 6:10 PM EST Wow, I learned a long time ago communication is the key to everything. Even though you are single now. In your next adventure explain your actions and hope the person you are with can get an understanding of where you are coming from. A lot of people do not realize how important a military career is. If they don't want to support your decision..keep it moving. My dad use to say "Don't let anyone take food off your table!" Do what you have to do, in the military world "survival" is the key. Sometimes, what we want may not be what is necessarily good for us. I enjoyed my stay in the military there are many times when I wish I will still in. "Make it do what it do for you right now!" 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 14 2008, 6:59 PM EST I am !! I am on my last and final year in the service yeah for me...I have decided to just stay single because there is too much pain in loosing the one you you thought would be a life partner ..there were other reason to why we are not together like me having a strong need to do the God thing plus the military thing it was all to much ,now i think i have a level head and can balance it all out.. communication is /was my biggest downfall ever and i regret it !! but i will neve regret my service in te Armed forces!! 1 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
 katena |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 8:45 AM EST I am grateful for our military soldiers and admire all those who serve. It is a shame that the military has a problem with same sex relationships, what happens in someone's bedroom doesn't effect their work habits. The way I think of it, is if a person is willing to give up all and sacrifice for our country, the least the government can do is give those people their right to love whomever they want, and be able to say it aloud. Not being in the military myself, I kind of understand "Don't ask, Don't tell" because it seems each time I change jobs, I continue to work with VERY conservative people who seem to poke fun of gays and lesbians. It is very hurtful. I hate that I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, I hate that I can't hang up pics of my girl, or have her send me flowers to work in fear that someone will ask too many questions, and I may lose my job. Best wishes to all of you that serve in our Armed Forces, You are all in my prayers. Be safe. 1 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Magilette |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 11:17 AM EST "I am !! I am on my last and final year in the service yeah for me...I have decided to just stay single because there is too much pain in loosing the one you you thought would be a life partner ..there were other reason to why we are not together like me having a strong need to do the God thing plus the military thing it was all to much ,now i think i have a level head and can balance it all out..I understand and I have a very strong belief in God. What I've learned is before you say the word "regret" ask yourself these questions: "What did I learn from this? Was it worth it? Would I do the same thing again?" Communicating with someone should never be thought of as regret, but as a learning tool. If what you learned made you regret doing it, then it was not worth doing in the first place. However, if you learned something from the situation then there is no need to regret it. I've learned a lot of things from general communication with people and realized somethings are better left unsaid and others had to be. Don't close your heart to learning, because it closes the mind and takes away the opportunity for self improvement and growth. Chalk this one up as a learning experience and keep on communicating one day you will find that someone who will be able to communicate with you on your level and when you do, you will also find true friendship, happiness and love as well as you true self. "To Thyne Ownself Be True!" (Shakesphere) 0 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Magilette |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 11:36 AM EST "I am grateful for our military soldiers and admire all those who serve. It is a shame that the military has a problem with same sex relationships, what happens in someone's bedroom doesn't effect their work habits. The way I think of it, is if a person is willing to give up all and sacrifice for our country, the least the government can do is give those people their right to love whomever they want, and be able to say it aloud. Not being in the military myself, I kind of understand "Don't ask, Don't tell" because it seems each time I change jobs, I continue to work with VERY conservative people who seem to poke fun of gays and lesbians. It is very hurtful. I hate that I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, I hate that I can't hang up pics of my girl, or have her send me flowers to work in fear that someone will ask too many questions, and I may lose my job. Best wishes to all of you that serve in our Armed Forces, You are all in my prayers. Be safe."I understand how you feel, too. I have worked in many job atmospheres where the communication of my co-workers became offensive. I let them know what they said was offensive to me in a nice way. My partner and I developed our own communication language and no one got wind of what was going on.. Her pic was on my desk and when ask who she was. My reply was she's my best friend. We sent flowers and all the things heterosexual people sent to one another. Remember this, "What happens in my house is my business. What happens outside of this house is the business of the people I work with and those of the world. Inside my home no one will interfer." Just keeping it real! Have a Nice Day! 2 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
 hobokity |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 1:13 PM EST I seriously have a hard time understanding why people have a problem with a persons sexual preference in any situation. I agree we should all be thankful of any person willing to risk there lives to defend there country and its people that have the priledges that we enjoy. Why this still has to be an issue is just beyond my real of thought. Come on people, I don't get it??!!!!! 0 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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hobokity |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 1:15 PM EST Oh, and by the way, THANK YOU to ALL that serve our country!!!! You are truely AMAZING people!!! 0 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 5:05 PM EST "I understand how you feel, too. I have worked in many job atmospheres where the communication of my co-workers became offensive. I let them know what they said was offensive to me in a nice way. My partner and I developed our own communication language and no one got wind of what was going on.. Her pic was on my desk and when ask who she was. My reply was she's my best friend. We sent flowers and all the things heterosexual people sent to one another. Remember this, "What happens in my house is my business. What happens outside of this house is the business of the people I work with and those of the world. Inside my home no one will interfer." Just keeping it real! Have a Nice Day!"well In that sence i dont regret at thing the person I was with was /is one of the most beautiful persons ever inside and out an we had a great relationship I dont regret that at all ,my regret is that I did not communicate well and Lost the person who meant so much to me ..and yes it was a great lesson learned ,and yes i would do it all over again,but different ,just not sure if I'll Love like that again .. 0 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 5:09 PM EST "I seriously have a hard time understanding why people have a problem with a persons sexual preference in any situation. I agree we should all be thankful of any person willing to risk there lives to defend there country and its people that have the priledges that we enjoy. Why this still has to be an issue is just beyond my real of thought. Come on people, I don't get it??!!!!! "I think this will always be an issue! it has been for many many years and probably wiil continue ,and we will survive regaurdless,we will keep silent and we will serve with great Pride ..it happens everyday ,it would just be nice if it didnt have to be that way .on the other hand i think if the laws changed people would be more distracted ..it happens all the time with the straight folk ,hard to keep a person at work when that like some one ,I think it would be alot worse if there was that freedom ..would it be nice YES ,but I don't see it changing in the near future. 1 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 16 2008, 5:12 PM EST oops posted to the wrong reply here!! I guess for now thats just the way it is and maybe one day it will change. 1 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Magilette |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 17 2008, 11:22 AM EST I think the real problem is the threat that a person who is in love with someone of the same sex will attempt to take their woman or man. So many people get the wrong idea about the gay and lesbian relationship. Thinking, "It's just sex or a challenge to take something from someone else." The bottom line is the heterosexual society does not want to be held guilty by association, so they disassociate themselves from us because this is their only defense: FEAR! Do you find this valuable? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 17 2008, 3:08 PM EST I agree i think is a sterotype ,most believe that being lesbian or gay does mean a life style of loose random sex and it may be for some ,but for me its not its a committed relataionship of the same sex and why does there really need to be a fear anyway ...committed means just that committed. in the military there are deployments and so maybe the fear is there I dont know but one maybe there will be a freedom to be who you are ... 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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areslesb |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 17 2008, 5:04 PM EST "I am !! I am on my last and final year in the service yeah for me...I have decided to just stay single because there is too much pain in loosing the one you you thought would be a life partner ..there were other reason to why we are not together like me having a strong need to do the God thing plus the military thing it was all to much ,now i think i have a level head and can balance it all out..Hoooooah! If you never served you'll never fully understand. Good luck on your last year short timer. Do you find this valuable? |
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mi_t_gilr |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 17 2008, 7:29 PM EST Thanks soooooo Much i survived so for 19 yrs its amazing!!!! Do you find this valuable? |
 bads |
RE: My girlfriend is a U.S. Army Soldier
Jan 18 2008, 1:46 AM EST I would like to thank all the military soildiers, you truly have the biggest hearts of all!!!I do hope that one day things can be right for you...Looking for a brighter future and a better tomorrow... 4 out of 4 found this valuable. Do you? |